Made to... Inspire, Encourage and Equip

Thinking today about my relationship with God.  Do I really live every day as if he is vital to me or do I only respond to him in circumstances of stress or fear.  I think for me it's a little of both.  As I grow in my relationship with Jesus I turn to him sooner and sooner in times of stress and fear.  Jesus is a vital part of my everyday life too but I don't always act like it.  I get caught up in the moments of my day.  Usually the expectations put on me by others or myself.  I can really relate to what Paul says in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."  The desire of my heart is to put God first in every circumstance, every conversation, every encounter.  But often my fear of what people will think takes over.  I believe we should tell people about Jesus and use words only if necessary.  But I forgo so many opportunities to love on people because of my fear of...

This song is the first I've recorded :)  Check it out and let me know what you think.

Grief and loss are funny things.  They catch you off guard all the time.  Something silly like making deviled eggs will tear you up :)  My brother-in-law Jim killed himself July 3rd and our family has been in a really tough time of grief and questioning why.  I have experienced death in my family before but it's been grandparents or accidents.  Suicide is a whole different ball game.  Along with all the grief come feelings of betrayal and questions, ton's of questions. The hard thing is for us is that there are no answers.  I'll be honest and say that I've been mad at God.  I had great plans for Jim.   He was a great guy with a big heart.  Him dying didn't fit into my plans anywhere!  At first the shock was so massive that I almost couldn't feel anything.  Then I got angry! Really angry.  I love God, my faith is a firm unwavering foundation that holds me together, but I threw a fit!  It was a two year o...

The last few days as I've been  reading my Bible these verses have stuck out to me "But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3: 13b-14.  I have been asking Jesus what it is that he is wanting to tell me and so far this is what I've  heard.  "MOVE FORWARD"  So often I get stuck in my mistakes and fears from yesterday, the day before, years ago, or two seconds ago.  I don't keep my eyes where they belong.  Fixed on my goal, the pursuit of Jesus.  I've had to examine every motive lately.  Asking myself  "Is this fear driven or God driven?"   Having teenagers is so hard.   I worry about the things I say or do and the effects of things I've said or done in the past.  I want to be perfect.  I want to wrap my arms around my kids and keep them safe from ...

A few years ago God gave Bryan and I a vision for a place where people can come for rest and healing.  A place with animals, a huge garden, and an orchard.  Since then I have been under constant spiritual attack.  Usually focused on the animals.  I absolutely love my cow Lucy.  Milking is something that I enjoy (most of the time).  And working in the garden is  healing for me.  I can just relax and not think about anything else.  Well Lucy calved a week ago and since then has had  milk fever.  I have  been stressed about it all week.  Then on Friday I ran over my daughters dog Benji.  I was so  discouraged.  The thoughts going through my mind went something like this.  "Who the heck do you think you are, God could not have called you to any kind of work with animals!  All you do is kill them or they get sick.  Besides why would God want to use you.  You obviously don't have the...

Drama on the farm as always :)  I am so paranoid with poor Lucy that every little thing is a huge question mark.  I was reading everything I could get my hands on about calving before the big event, and now I'm reading about milk fever, ketosis, freshening and normal behavior after calving. I am as worried about her as I would be about one of my kids :) She has a touch of milk fever so I'm treating that but in the midst of all the stress, worry , and being on the internet 24-7 looking up symptoms.  I had a brilliant idea!  Pray....... You would think I would have done that first but I get so caught up in crisis that I forget.  So I stopped and prayed.  I can't say that there was a brilliant light and everything is perfect now.  But it did remind me who is really in control.  Surprise, surprise, it's not me!  So today in the midst of all me chaotic life, kids with attitudes, and all my work and worry.  I WILL remembe...

We have been waiting for a month on pins and needles for Lucy to calve.  We got home late last night and saw the she was sliming pretty good so Bryan and I stayed up for a few hours just to keep an eye on her.  Nothing!   At just after 7:00 this morning  Bryan woke me up saying he heard Lucy.  Ahhhhhh! Panic time! I jumped out of bed in my pajamas slipped on my shoes and rushed out to the barn.  I was greeted by the sight of Lucy in the midst of hard labor with two little hooves poking out.  I rushed in the house to wake up the kids hollering "If you don't want to miss it you better hurry!"  And rushed back out to the barn.  In about 15 minutes we had a beautiful all black bull calf.  He's a big one too! What an amazing experience.  I am always in awe when I see something being born.  God is awesome :) Yes, I'm still in pajamas :) Tonight he's all dry and fluffy So far Momma a...

Often I'm taken off guard by the subtlety of satan.  He's a slippery bugger!  Today I'm feeling kind of down and I was praying about it, asking Jesus what was going on.  I realized that worry, fear, and anger are quietly hovering under the surface.  Too often I just ignore it and struggle through my day.   Today I recognize the battle and can win it.  The verse that has been floating around in my head all week is 2 Timothy 1:7 " For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."     Another is John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." He has been trying to steal my joy and distract me from the life God wants me to live.  No more! Back off buddy, In Jesus' name! If you're feeling down maybe stop and pray and see what exactly satan is trying to steal, kill or destroy in you.

I know it's been forever since my last post but, I had to post this video of my pigs.  We moved them to a new pen and they were loving it! Have you heard the expression "When pigs fly"  Well I think if there was any pigs that could it would be these ones.  Pigs aren't supposed to be able to do this. Here is Lucy. She is due to calve any day :) I am excited and terrified. I went out this morning to check for eggs and as soon as I saw this one I felt really sorry for the chicken that laid it :) This is the funniest thing to watch.  Triston had a rope with a stick on the end "fishing" for Charity's dog Benji

It has been a month of lessons for me.  God is growing me in ways I don't enjoy.  He is constantly challenging me to put aside myself and to follow him wholeheartedly.  My husband and I have started working on our finances. Talk about a nightmare!  After 15 years of marriage we both have our own ways of doing things and our own expectations.  It has been a source of strife in our marriage since the beginning.  In talking about it and trying to agree and compromise I realized that a lot of my issues with money come down to the simple fact that to me money is security.  With it I can buy things I need and things I want.  My security however comes in the form of spending money.  My husbands on the other hand is saving money.  There's the disconnect.  We have the same goals we just disagree in how to get there.  I want a huge stockpile of food and household items so that if we aren't able to buy things later it doesn...

Saturday was the day.  Our pig was freezer bound with only one small problem. We became emotionally attached.  As a family we have committed to raise our animals with love and respect and then when the time comes to be as humane as possible.  We butchered one pig this spring but were holding on to Chops hoping to be able to breed her. She was huge! We figured about 600 lbs. Here she is with Charity 3 months ago:) When we realized it wasn't going to work to breed her we knew it was time. We got up early to get started.  Bryan and I were hoping to get the worst done before the kids got up.  We have one early riser so Triston was already up and about.  We prayed before we started that God would give us strength to do what needed to be done.  That He would calm us and Chops so that she wouldn't sense any tension or fear.  Everything went fairly smoothly.  Bryan killed her immediately with one shot while she was happily munch...